A bra, a hornet, and me...

Discussion in 'The Loafing Shed' started by burgie, Oct 16, 2008.

  1. burgie

    burgie New Member

    2,387
    0
    0
    Good evening friends.
    I would like to share with you a cautionary tale of love, distraction and injury.

    <ah hem>
    I had planned a dinner date with my husband. He is going out of town this weekend, plus he doesn't often get to see me clean and looking marginally attractive. As some of you may recall from my other thread, my "Auntie" has been visiting until just a few days ago. She has recently packed her bags, and headed elsewhere.
    So, I came home from the barn and ran to the shower to cleanse myself of the sweat and horse manure stank-i-ness.
    I jump out of the shower, towel off and pull on undies and jeans. I decided I would wear a clingy black turtleneck, and one must wear a black bra with the black turtleneck. I grabbed my fancy black bra (since it was date night) and began to hook it up, only to hear my dogs sounding off in the backyard.
    "Hmmm...." I said to myself. "That is not normal for my dogs."
    I rush down the stairs in my jeans and my halfway on bra.
    I felt a little twinge on my right breast, but ignored the sensation due to my concern over my beloved canines.
    I rushed to the door, only to see them barking at the a-hole neighbor who was antagonizing them. Before I could reach the door to let them in (and before a-hole neighbor could get a chance to ogle my goodies) a feel a piercing pain in my right breast.
    I look down....
    AAAHHHH!!!!!
    With it's pointy, stingy ass, a HORNET is stuck on my nipple!
    At this point I began to leap about, unsure what to do. If you try to remove the offensive flying beast, the stinger can stay in your tender flesh...I didn't want to touch it and there was nothing near by that I could use to brush it off.
    So instead, I continue to leap around like an absolute freak while my dogs watch me curiously from the otherside of the door. The hornet, with it's ass still stuck in my boob, is going for the ride of all rides as bounce around trying to get the damn thing off.
    At long last, the shear force of gravity and the momentum built up by the undulating DDs I'm packing cause the hornet to fly off in a graceful arc.
    It landed on the floor. Hard.
    In that moment, I understood what a crime of passion truly is.
    I slowly, methodically, picked up the dust pan and sliced the hornet's head from it's body.
    Vindication, my friends...vindication...

    <The End>
     
  2. MyTeDun

    MyTeDun Senior Member

    1,296
    0
    0
    OMG I can't stop laughing~~

    I'm sorry but that is beyond belief but definitely something that could and would happen to me.

    Well, how did the rest of your evening go? ROFL
     

  3. Brilliance

    Brilliance New Member

    986
    0
    0
    OMG owwww owwww owwww cutting off its head sooooo would not have come close to vidication
     
  4. burgie

    burgie New Member

    2,387
    0
    0
    I am sitting on the computer, looking cute, cursing nature and the Insecta kingdom....
    Hubby is watching tv.

    We did have freaky post-hornet-attack time in which we compared and contrasted the healthy and wounded booby.

    There is a remarkable difference between the two at the moment...

    If it didn't involve a nipple, I would totally take a picture and post it.
     
  5. Mass

    Mass Senior Member and Masscaster

    3,056
    0
    0
    OMG....ow! :eek:


    Reminds me of the story I told regarding a wasp crawling into my bra at work and me trying to fling it out of my bra and not knowing if I had given our entire web cam audience a free show. Said wasp finally flung onto the floor and me,
    with giant squeegy in hand, chopping it in half...on web cam.
    However, it never stung me!
     
  6. burgie

    burgie New Member

    2,387
    0
    0
    That gave me a good giggle!
    And than I cringed, because it hurts to giggle - it makes the boobs bounce.
     
  7. Mass

    Mass Senior Member and Masscaster

    3,056
    0
    0
    Maybe I should have left him in my bra, would have given me cheap temporary implants. :D Then I could bounce when I laugh too. ;)
     
  8. burgie

    burgie New Member

    2,387
    0
    0
    My boobs are the bane of my existence...
    They are always big - just bigger with flying insect venom...
    Trust me -bouncing SUCKS!
     
  9. asuits

    asuits New Member

    2,069
    0
    0
    Don't know if it'll work or not but I heard that taping a penny to the affected area helps to pull the "venom" out and reduce the swelling pretty quickly.
     
  10. Pixin

    Pixin New Member

    2,973
    0
    0
    Gosh Burgie, your mean!
     
  11. Tbitt

    Tbitt Most beloved member of MW

    Aw heck ya........this I have to see. Tape a penny to that thing.........I'm coming over to see that!! :_th_flash
     
  12. Mass

    Mass Senior Member and Masscaster

    3,056
    0
    0
    Make it a quarter...."inflation". ;) :D
     
  13. morapt

    morapt New Member

    731
    0
    0
    OMG I needed a good laugh tonight, Thanks. Meat tenderizer works wonders on bee, wasp and hornet stings. I can vouch for that because I sat on a bees nest. Yours wins hands down though
     
  14. MyTeDun

    MyTeDun Senior Member

    1,296
    0
    0
    Oh I don't know about that-----

    I'm picturing a swollen ass and a swollen boob-----------Not what I want imprinted in my mind

    I LOVE MEN~~
     
  15. SIERRA

    SIERRA New Member

    1,221
    0
    0
  16. Jen

    Jen New Member

    2,265
    0
    0
    Great story. You write well.

    Sorry about your boobie though.
     
  17. Kellysdream

    Kellysdream New Member

    970
    0
    0
    OMG, that is hilarious and an OW!
     
  18. Imzadi

    Imzadi New Member

    232
    0
    0
    Burgie,
    Only you my love.... :_th_flash!!! Did you trip up the stairs too??? So you say lots of sitting trot work today!?!?!
     
  19. burgie

    burgie New Member

    2,387
    0
    0
    I am actually thinking no riding.
    I had to hold my wounded mammary just to walk down the stairs...
    My entire boobie is swollen and has a huge rash on it.
    I don't know how many pennies it will take to pull out the venom!

    Ummm...I think YOU win....
    Wanna compare battle wounds?
     
  20. Peggy Sue

    Peggy Sue New Member

    904
    0
    0
    Burige I feel for you with my DDD's I can't imaigne having one of them stung like that

    Now I did call hubby in here to read your story and he got a good giggle out of it while saying how sorry he felt for you


    I can see your doctor now as you tell him your story,but hopefully it won't get that bad..