A bra, a hornet, and me...

Good evening friends.
I would like to share with you a cautionary tale of love, distraction and injury.

<ah hem>
I had planned a dinner date with my husband. He is going out of town this weekend, plus he doesn't often get to see me clean and looking marginally attractive. As some of you may recall from my other thread, my "Auntie" has been visiting until just a few days ago. She has recently packed her bags, and headed elsewhere.
So, I came home from the barn and ran to the shower to cleanse myself of the sweat and horse manure stank-i-ness.
I jump out of the shower, towel off and pull on undies and jeans. I decided I would wear a clingy black turtleneck, and one must wear a black bra with the black turtleneck. I grabbed my fancy black bra (since it was date night) and began to hook it up, only to hear my dogs sounding off in the backyard.
"Hmmm...." I said to myself. "That is not normal for my dogs."
I rush down the stairs in my jeans and my halfway on bra.
I felt a little twinge on my right breast, but ignored the sensation due to my concern over my beloved canines.
I rushed to the door, only to see them barking at the a-hole neighbor who was antagonizing them. Before I could reach the door to let them in (and before a-hole neighbor could get a chance to ogle my goodies) a feel a piercing pain in my right breast.
I look down....
AAAHHHH!!!!!
With it's pointy, stingy ass, a HORNET is stuck on my nipple!
At this point I began to leap about, unsure what to do. If you try to remove the offensive flying beast, the stinger can stay in your tender flesh...I didn't want to touch it and there was nothing near by that I could use to brush it off.
So instead, I continue to leap around like an absolute freak while my dogs watch me curiously from the otherside of the door. The hornet, with it's ass still stuck in my boob, is going for the ride of all rides as bounce around trying to get the damn thing off.
At long last, the shear force of gravity and the momentum built up by the undulating DDs I'm packing cause the hornet to fly off in a graceful arc.
It landed on the floor. Hard.
In that moment, I understood what a crime of passion truly is.
I slowly, methodically, picked up the dust pan and sliced the hornet's head from it's body.
Vindication, my friends...vindication...

<The End>

 

I am sitting on the computer, looking cute, cursing nature and the Insecta kingdom....
Hubby is watching tv.

We did have freaky post-hornet-attack time in which we compared and contrasted the healthy and wounded booby.

There is a remarkable difference between the two at the moment...

If it didn't involve a nipple, I would totally take a picture and post it.

 

That gave me a good giggle!
And than I cringed, because it hurts to giggle - it makes the boobs bounce.

 

My boobs are the bane of my existence...
They are always big - just bigger with flying insect venom...
Trust me -bouncing SUCKS!

 

I am actually thinking no riding.
I had to hold my wounded mammary just to walk down the stairs...
My entire boobie is swollen and has a huge rash on it.
I don't know how many pennies it will take to pull out the venom!

Ummm...I think YOU win....
Wanna compare battle wounds?