She's at it again!

Discussion in 'The Loafing Shed' started by Buffy, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. Buffy

    Buffy New Member

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    My mother just called me.
    "What are you doing?" THAT'S always a loaded question, so I answered with a question of my own. "Why?"

    "You and I are going to have a talk when I get home on Sunday from Wisconsin. I'm tired of your lying and your evasive tactics. Now I find out you've been hanging out with the town whore again! You're judged by the company you keep. I will NOT have a whore for a daughter!"

    That's the point where I have to hang up for fear of screaming and waking up the baby.
    Seriously? I'm going to be 31 in 2 weeks. I've lived on my own for years, in a house that I bought when I was 23.
    My two younger brothers (30 and 28) still live at home and she delivers, YES DELIVERS, their dinners to their bedrooms because they want nothing to do with her and won't leave their rooms unless it's to go to work. Which actually, the 28 year old is the only one with a job!
    Yet somehow, she finds the time to call me up and threaten me with a stern talkin-to. I do NOT know why I let this bother me so much. It's continuous, so you'd think I'd be over it by now!
    This on top of the other drama I'm dealing with here is pushing me over the edge. I just need to vent, guys! :'(
     
  2. lori

    lori New Member

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    So who is the town whore? She must be the one that has all the fun, huh?
     

  3. snaffle

    snaffle Guest

    aw gee Buffy...

    I am so sorry..

    I am over 50 and my mom is just starting to not lecture me about things.

    I repeat.. "just starting"



    Do you feel that she is a meddling and controlling person?? or simply a mom who wants the best for her child?

    When she starts to rag on you.. keep repeating the GOOD things you do with your life.

    Another thing you can do is ... listen to her.. and tell her you will give it some serious thought...

    and if it is a conversation over the phone.. grab a piece of aluminum foil...crinkle it next to the phone saying "is that Your phone or mine?"
    and then hang up ;)

    You can also use the excuse "the ups truck just drove in"
    BUT dont use this one on a sunday!!
     
  4. Blueyz2

    Blueyz2 New Member

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    mothers ;D

    Didnt we just have this talk..kinda. LOL
     
  5. snaffle

    snaffle Guest

    After giving this a little thought ...
    (key words "a little") cause we all know what happens when snaffle starts thinking tooooo deeply ;)

    I am seriously wondering if Buffy's mom ...
    is intruding and bossy because she LOVES Buffy very deeply and
    wants the BEST for her..

    any good mother is always going to be concerned about their children's lives.

    I have always said..
    "If you want to know what a person is like..
    look at their kids"

    well Buffy girl.. I do not know you very well...
    I have read your postlings and threads on the internet for a couple of years..
    I have met you..

    I have found you to be hard working.. very caring...
    you have a great sense of humor...
    you are connected and loyal to your friends..
    in real life and in the cyber world..

    so if you are a reflection of your mother..
    she cant be a bad person... :)
     
  6. alljackedup

    alljackedup New Member

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    I don't have any adive, as I have a mother that does the same to me everytime I talk to her. Why do you think I had so much fun shooting the other day. I sure as hell wasn't picturing Rick in that balloon. :nana:

    Seriously, my mom got alot a few years ago, when my therapist suggested that I cut her out for awhile. I did it for almost a year and 1/2. IT WAS AWESOME!! Seriously, I was happy, not paranoid every time the phone rang, way less stressed. It did wonders for our relationship too. When she starts to get a little too pushy/judgemental, I remind her that it could happen again, and she straightens up a lot.
     
  7. Buffy

    Buffy New Member

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    She's not a bad person. Just evil >:D (where I'm concerned)

    And I do know that she loves me, I guess she just doesn't know how to show it very well. She's been telling me that I'm a whore and a bitch and a bad mom for the past 11 years. She's VERY vocal in her opinions and the last time we had a falling out, I told her not to call me until she could keep her opinions to herself. She did good for about 2 months. ::)

    BTW - the town whore is my best friend and HAS been since the 7th grade. Does she get around? Yes. But to each his own! I'm not here to judge. I've been her friend through the good AND the bad and it's been pretty bad for her the past several months.
    My mom has had a problem with her off and on since we were in high school. She was a wild child, but it never influenced me. Not sure why my mom thinks it will now!

    AJU - my mom and I have had several separation periods since I moved away. We actually weren't talking when I bought this house. She found out that I was purchasing in Plano and drove around until she found my car. Knocked on my door one Saturday and I about crapped my pants!!!
     
  8. snaffle

    snaffle Guest

    Buffy, one of my friends had a mom who was an absolute witchy B*tch.
    My friend moved to california and lived there for years..
    in the early 90's she moved back to Illinois because she felt that she should be nearer to her aging mother.

    Her mother treated her like horse manure..
    would tell her she was a waste.. that it was HER fault that her father committed suicie when my friend was 16.

    My friend took her mom to lunch ever week because she felt she should. Even though her mom would make her so angry.

    I advised her....

    told her that next time her mom started in on her.. to put her into the van.. drive her A$$ home.. tell her to get out and then tell her
    "I am NOT going to spend any time with you when you are acting so hateful"

    My friend did just that and for several weeks.. her mother treated her with respect.
    After that.. she often had to remind her mother.

    I had to do this to my own mother in law when she was moved to assisted living. She turned into such a selfish mean bossy whininy conniving witch when she was going through the early stages of alzheimers.

    I decided NOT to put up with her antics.. and point blank told her on more than one occasion I was leaving.. as long as she was going to act that way.

    It made a Huge difference. HUGE.
     
  9. Buffy

    Buffy New Member

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    Well now she's sending me nasty emails. ::) I'm going to have to go thru this with her again apparently.

    But how do I avoid her and not involve the kids? As it is, my 11 year old barely wants anything to do with her, because she (Payton) gets 'grilled' about me every time she visits with her. And my mom thinks I'm 'poisoning' her!

    This latest round of nastiness started when my husband and I started having problems again. She ALWAYS sides with him. No matter what it is, I should overlook whatever has been done and be happy that I have a man. WTF?!?!?!? :slapfight:
     
  10. DENNIS

    DENNIS Member

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    my wife has some problems with her mother, since I am older I was always a bad influence on her (imagine that) I dont go around her because I can not stand her new husband and have made it known that he is not welcome at me house, It might be a one way visit if he shows up here. My MIL was always sending us emails a lot of them stupid ones so we just changed email servers and refused to give her the new one. we also let her talk to either voice mail or answering machine and then decide if we want to call her back or not. This has helped my wife deal with her a lot. She comes to our house (alone) couple times a year and if she if being nice I put the dogs up otherwise I leave them out. My two goldens know how to bug her so she gets tired of it and leaves. I suppose that makes me an evil son in law but sure helps my wife deal with the situation. just some little tips you might try. oh and if we have any type problem such as medical for example she never hears about it and the rest of the family know they had better not say anything if they find out.
     
  11. Buffy

    Buffy New Member

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    MAN! I wish the dog trick worked for me. But the second she walks in the door, my Aussie cowers and pees himself ::)

    I guess there's something to be said for animals being able to judge people!
     
  12. Shadow

    Shadow New Member

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    caller ID...don't answer her calls !!
    don't open her e-mail !! DELETE
    don't answer the door if she shows up !!
    don't talk about her to your kids or around your kids !
    IF they already know what a PITA she is then it shouldn't be a problem...

    She will get the message. Your a grown woman you can have and be friends with whom ever YOU choose she lost parental rights when you turned 18

    YOUR HOUSE - YOUR RULES
    either she follows them or she is not welcome...
    GOOD LUCK sounds like you need it ( ( ( HUG ) ) )
     
  13. alljackedup

    alljackedup New Member

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    It sounds like it might be time for another dose of reality for her. She obviously thinks that it's acceptable for her to treat you like this, so she continues. I'm not calling you a wuss, cause this is coming from someone that is continaully walked all over by everyone, but dealing with my mom has taught me how to say no every once and awhile.

    Your generous/caring/loving personality makes you very vulnerable, but the emotional abuse (that's what this is)abuse should never come from your mom, although often the ones that we love/claim to love us most, are the ones that do the most damage and get away with it, because we won't stand up to them like we would someone that we hardly know.

    I know how you feel about your daughter. Em has no desire to spend time or even talk on the phone to my mom, after she spent a month with her this summer. It's sad that their own grandkids want nothing to do with them, but if your daughter wants nothing to do with her, that is something that your mom is going to have to deal with when your daughter gets older. You can't force her to go see grandma. Well, I suppose you can, but she will resent you for it.
     
  14. snaffle

    snaffle Guest

    Buffy...
    now listen to me girlie...

    BLOCK her email address!! Do it!!
    IF she says anything to you ..about not getting replies from you..
    tell her your server must be messed up, OR tell her you are blocking her email address until she shapes up.

    You do NOT need the frustration!! I cant help but wonder if she suffers from clinicla depression..

    block her block her block her. I blocked the relatives that were causing me grief.

    Maybe it is time YOU have a chat with HER.. instead of HER having a chat with YOU.

    Explain to her point blank that you are not going to tolerate her bahavior anymore.
     
  15. horsefreak

    horsefreak New Member

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    Verbal abuse can hurt just as bad as physical abuse. You should be getting the call saying how good you're doing, what a good mom you are, and what a good person you are (god knows you put your own roof over your head, unlike the siblings). My mom has been on and off crazy for years. She gets jealous of my friends, and is very critical of them. She has no social life, no friends. I love her but I have learned to turn my back on the entire situation when I need to. I keep as close as I can so that I can take care of her if she needs me, but that's it, other than that I keep her at an arms distance.
     
  16. Susan

    Susan New Member

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    Yup - sounds like mommy dearest needs a reality check and attitude adjustment. I agree - block her emails after you send the email to her stating her behavior and opinion are unacceptable and you want no further contact with her. Spell it out for her, then do it. If she has a key to the house - change the locks. Get caller ID and use it -don't answer her calls and get a peephole for the door - don't answer it when she comes. Harsh? yes, Necessary - very. She sounds like a very bitter and controlling woman who has a need to belittle and control. If your brothers are spineless enough to put up with it for the room and board - more power to them, you and your kids do not need the grief and unpleasantness she brings. You are your own person and who you choose to be friends with is none of her business. While it is true that you are judged by the company you keep, you have been friends with this woman for years and her lifestyle is not your lifestyle, so don't sweat it.
     
  17. Buffy

    Buffy New Member

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    I really appreciate all the postiveness you guys. Really. Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. After a while, I begin to wonder if I'm really in the wrong or just ungrateful or whatnot.
    She's now sending me emails for Dr. Phil's website ::) Telling me that I should read up on him. I watch Dr. Phil religiously. I get a kick out of his guests! I wonder what would happen if I were to take her on the show!!!! :slapfight:
     
  18. MyTeDun

    MyTeDun Senior Member

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    Buffy all I am going to say is "ignore her"----

    She will make your life miserable and this source of abuse is actually worse then physical. It stays in your head and grows!
     
  19. NutsEmom

    NutsEmom New Member

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    Send her the addy for the Jerry Springer show and tell her that THIS might be appropriate for the family with the way she's behaving.

    C'mon, you know you want to!!